A Kingdom Kindermat

By Friday afternoon I needed a nap.

I haven't been a big fan of naps since my firstborn arrived with her days and nights obviously mixed up.

In fact, I was sympathetic to the kindergarteners in my class who absolutely hated when it was time to pull their mats out. So we had a little secret. After the first 5-10 ten minutes, when everyone else was asleep, the no-nappers could play quietly with a toy while I looked over papers and wrote lesson plans.

It worked.

When Dale and I married, I marveled at his ability to fall asleep for a quick nap wherever he was. It is sometimes slightly insulting when I am mid-sentence, and downright scary when he is driving, but I do admire the peace one must have to sleep so peacefully at any time.

It has taken me considerably longer to master the art of peaceful sleep. But I am getting there and it is a true miracle to lay my head down, no medication and no jumbled thoughts, and go to sleep. However, I make sure not to sleep late in the morning not to nap in order to keep getting that restorative sleep.

But this week was unusual.

From notifying the wrong family of their son's death due to a mix-up with the county coroner to sitting with a dying woman I'd grown close to on the streets, it was one of the toughest weeks I'd had yet.

A job offer came in the midst of it, and I had to discern if it was a door God was opening or a very close match.

Note that a very close match isn't actually God. It may look like God; it may sound like God; and it might just be an answer to prayer.

But the devil opens doors too. And sometimes we go pretty far down the path before we realize it.

I didn't want to make a mistake.

I'd done that before.

So I prayed. And I listened.

In the midst of everything going on in my personal life and on the streets, I also had nine women who needed me. Their lives couldn't be put on hold just because mine had gotten busy.

So I kept going. Getting up even earlier and staying up later, I took care of my house, my husband, my dogs, the business, the bills, and the church before heading to the hospital each day. We had five services this week, and I thank God for every one of them. I needed to be refueled this week.

But Friday afternoon I was exhausted.

"Susan" had died the day before and I'd notified a few of her friends, at the family's request. Ironically, her former long-time companion was in a separate wing of the hospital at the same time but when I stopped by to tell him of her passing, he was in such a bad state that he didn't know who I was. But those on the streets did.

And her death hit hard. While the other guy had died after overdosing, Susan died waiting on disability so she could get a place to live. She spent the last few months in pain, self-medicating with alcohol while undetected cancer spread throughout her body.

Nobody knew. Not even her.

Now her death was bringing their decisions and their own mortality to light. It was a mirror no-one wanted to look into.

Including me.

Because I'd gotten so tired of the games and manipulation my heart had recently been hardening toward the people that had occupied the most space there for the last few years.

With her death, it softened. And the floodgates opened. Compassion, empathy, sorrow, grief- a barrage of feelings enveloped me and I was overwhelmed.

I led the devotion at the Women's Home Friday morning and took a resident to a job interview. A trip to Mandeville got canceled last minute so I took advantage of the unexpected break and napped.

Or tried to.

My husband has been working on our new house from sun-up 'til sun-down every day this week and he must have subconsciously (intentionally?) plotted his revenge because he woke me up unnecessarily three times before I gave up and just spent some time with the Lord, going over it all.

Sometimes you just need a nap.

But, sometimes, you just need to pull out a kingdom kindermat, a quiet time where you can just rest in the Lord and allow Him to minister to your needs.