Fixers, Insomniacs, and Putting Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

We've all heard the saying, Put your money where your mouth is.

It usually refers to a person exhibiting actions contrary to what they speak.

In essence they are phonies, frauds.

Never have I felt like that description applied to me.

Until last night.

After a well-thought out post on letting go and letting God, I found myself having the most fitful sleep of my life.

As in 99% of today's families, there's a storm brewing in mine and I have tried to step back and let the Lord handle it.

For years I've watched my own father try to help God along when it came to matters of his family, and while PawPaw John is revered in our family, he isn't God.

And as hard as it is for him to admit sometimes, he'll tell you that the best results usually come when he stops trying to fix everything. Even though it sounds like something has literally broken inside him to do so. Danger, Will Robinson!

I learned early on in my empty nest years that the less I knew, the better.

I'd even asked my kids to stop telling about trips beforehand so I didn't stay up all night replaying interstate accident statistics in my head.

But right now, the issues are affecting the entire family and there's no way to adopt my ostrich-tendency to bury my head in the sand.

So I vowed to turn the situation completely over to God.

And I will say this: I didn't take it back believing I could handle it better than God could.

No, it was a full-blown attack from the devil.

I'd wake up from a sound sleep and literally feel the darts as they entered my mind.

Like a predator egging on its prey, everything that was going on would hit me full-force before my mind was even awake.

I was able to recognize it for the fiery darts they were and fortunately able to go back to sleep after rebuking them.

Most of the time.

But I fell into the trap a few times and started worrying. And trying to figure out to fix it.

Then, the gentle reminder from the Holy Spirit would come in, and I'd submit my thoughts to the Lord and go back to sleep.

It was a long night.

I realized for the first time that all those years ago, as I begged doctors for prescriptions to help me sleep just to shut off the thoughts (bills, job stress, raising teens), I was under attack but had no idea how to fight back. So I fought with my own strength.

And I lost a lot of sleep.

Recognizing it is half the battle.

Making the decision to surrender it all (even the most hopeless situations) is the other half.

And that's the half that wins the war.