Survivor: The Family Edition

My family has broken out into all-out Survivor mode.

Secret conversations are taking place and alliances are being formed.

My husband and I will be the first ones voted off the island; him, for refusing to make an alliance with anyone, and me, for making alliances with everyone.

Because love has no sides.

It's a lot like looking into a mirror of my 20's.

Everything was a battle and everyone was an enemy.

It was my way or the highway, and if you disagreed with me, you were out.

If you were friends with someone who disagreed with me, you were out.

I snuffed out more torches than I could even count.

And robbed myself of a lot of life.

I know that hindsight is 20/20 and also tends to be viewed with rose-colored glasses.

Some of the issues were too serious to flippantly wave off.

But they inevitable escalated into bigger problems than they already were.

Going through an amicable divorce? Get lawyers involved and see how chummy you remain.

Got in a fight with your sibling over something small? Keep ignoring each other and watch it turn into battle of (silent) wills.

My children are going through typical young adult trials. Some of it is foolish; some of it is quite serious.

It doesn't matter anymore, though, which is which, because it has turned into an all-out war.

Extended family has been dragged in, feelings are hurt beyond repair.

I wish I could make them go to their rooms, grounded, until they could all say "I love you" and hug each other.

Back then they wouldn't mean it, but they'd at least band together long enough to appease me and get out of trouble.

Now, I see a future like one of my friends has.

For twenty-five years she has held two separate Christmas dinners each year, one for half her children and one for the others. They refuse to be in the same room together.

I don't know what they'll do at her funeral. Pay for two separate services?

At some point, it went beyond a sibling squabble and into something much deeper. And heartbreaking.

And I fear that I will be following in her footsteps as well.

I can't help but think of my friends on the streets. Alienated from their own families, they have no-one to turn to, no family support, no-one to even show up at the hospital. Or jail. Or even their funerals.

Did the chasm start over something big? Something small?

Or does it matter?

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13