Forcing Interventions

A friend of mine called yesterday begging me to hold some sort of intervention for a loved one.

Her fears were founded, and I share similar concerns.

But I won’t do it.

She doesn’t understand why, and will likely blame me if something happens to him. Little does she know, that guilt will torment me for the rest of my life anyway.

Just like with Roger and JJ.

I’ll always wonder if I could’ve done more, if somehow a forced intervention could’ve prevented their deaths.

But forced interventions rarely work.

When I was fifteen, my parents sent me to a drug rehab. I didn’t want to go, vowed to never speak to them again, and did everything I could to convince them they were the worst parents ever during the 2-hour drive there.

But I was a minor, I lived in their home, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I stayed six weeks and it turned out to be a good experience. But I had no choice. Had I left in Weeks 1, 2, or 3 there would’ve been a totally different outcome.

Fast forward a decade later and I was forced once again to seek help. I was no longer a minor but I had four beautiful children at home. Faced with losing them or getting help for depression, prescription drug addiction, and an eating disorder, I again had no choice.

I had something to lose.

And I KNEW I needed help. I was 88 lbs. and had to have help washing my own hair because I was so weak. I knew I was dying and I knew something had to change.

I wasn’t exactly willing, but I was resigned.

That turned out to be my bottom and a new life in Christ was formed from that forced intervention.

So I’m not opposed to Spirit-led interventions.

The problem is, most people want to conduct them in the flesh.

And the recipient is unwilling, hostile even.

I’ve seen adults “forced” into rehab that leave after a couple of days because they were only trying to appease their families. They end up in worse shape than they were before.

Gambling, pornography, violent tempers…if you force someone to deal with issues they are unwilling to deal with (even if it’s for their own good) you run the risk of losing that line of communication forever. When the person is ready to deal with their issues, they aren’t going to turn to someone who’s been brow-beating them.

This doesn’t apply to children; of course, you should confront all issues.

The gray area comes in when they are adults, but they’re still YOUR children.

It’s a tough line to be a parent and yet still respect the autonomy they’ve earned by living on their own. You can’t ground them; you can’t even force them to talk to you. You might can insist they listen to you, but heeding your advice is a completely different story.

We get five or six calls a week from parents of adult children.

They want us to intervene.

Our first question is, “Do they want help?”

99% of the time the answer is, “Well, no, but we have to do something. I’m afraid if they don’t get help they will die.”

This is a parent’s number one fear. Ironically, it is the fear of parents whose kids are struggling with a multitude of things from drugs to homelessness to violent streaks.

We offer alternatives but we warn them to be cautious.

“If he/she doesn’t want help, you aren’t likely to do much good. You can’t fix this for them.”

Of course, we immediately add the child to our prayer list.

While we may not be able to change the person, we know Someone who can.

It sounds cliché, but the old saying packs a punch:

Sometimes you just have to let go and let God.