Sometimes you are just going to mess up.
Even when you are doing the right thing.
And you may want to run to a land far, far away....
That happened to me once.
As a young child I was gifted with a beautiful singing voice.
I scored the leads in church musicals ("I am Mrs. Noah and you know what I do? In the ark with animals from emus to gnus...") and community theatre productions.
I sang solos in church...
In my shower...
In the backseat of the big blue bomb aka Mom's Bonneville.
But as I hit those teenage years I began to think that my voice was something I was good at, something I created all on my own.
The church solos became about my PERFORMANCE, not the message God had intended.
And one Sunday morning, I just bombed.
(For my younger readers, this was the 80's and bombed was definitely the antonym of da bomb. Definitely not on fleek. I was on flunk!)
Well, that was it.
That Sunday was the last time I sang publicly for almost 20 years.
The devil won.
To be honest, he'd had some help from me when I let the worm of self-importance in.
But I'm older now..and wiser..so I'd never be that stupid again, right?
Wrong.
I've let the devil shut me up so many times.
A rejection letter on my writing. (Even a 2nd place award in a writing contest has felt like a loss.)
Another botched solo. (Though this time it was technically just a botched note but it still stifled my solos for nine months.)
And then there was last Thursday night.
My husband was preaching to a group of men in a transitional home but I felt led to share a little something first. I'd been on the streets all week ministering and verse after verse flowed freely. I knew I was walking in the Spirit and that my words would be ordained.
I started out feeling fairly comfortable. I do prefer to preach to one or two people at a time over a large group, but I was excited about the message.
I began by telling them how the Lord uses situations with my dogs to paint a picture of a spiritual lesson for me quite often. Then I proceeded to share how my new wireless containment system has a radius and once the dog reaches a danger zone it will beep. If he ignores the beep at first, it will get louder and louder until it zaps him.
I related God to the machine, the center of the radius. And how the safest place for us is right next to Him.
But He allows us to roam (free will) and will give us a warning beep when we've gone too far.
The basic message was to adhere to the warning and not get zapped by the devil by stepping so far away from God.
It was clear in my head and I thought it was a very applicable lesson.
But I was met with uncomfortable silence.
Feeling embarrassed, I quickly turned it over to my husband and took my seat.
"I'm NEVER preaching to a group again. Ever. Anywhere. That was horrible!" I told him when we left. "I'll stick to ministering on the streets, not to a group."
Even as the words come out of my mouth, I knew it wasn't true.
I was reminded of that solo and how I'd vowed never to let the devil shut me up again.
But I was embarrassed. And confused.
Didn't it make sense?
I decided I need more preparation next time.
My husband had another thought entirely.
"Maybe you should choose your wording more carefully," he said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You started your story with, 'The Lord talks to me through my dogs.'"
Oh.
Mic drop.
Thud.
I'm pretty sure they didn't hear a word I said after that.
In fact, we went back today to host a fish fry for their Open House.
One of the first greetings I got was, "Did your dogs talk to you this morning?"
I hope someone straightened that out...
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